New May Series - Guardrails

WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT:

Here is an overview of what we’re talking about. Listed below the summary is a parent cue to help you dialog with your child about the session. The question is intended not just to be asked by you, but to be responded to by BOTH of you. Use this opportunity to find out what God is teaching your child, and allow your child to see what God is teaching you as well.

Guardrails:

Series Overview

Guardrails are “a system designed to keep something from straying into dangerous or off-limit areas.” Just like the guardrails we see on the roads we drive everyday, the guardrails we place in our lives are designed with a simple purpose; to create a small accident to protect us from a larger one. We don’t often spend a lot of time thinking about or paying attention to them, but when we need them, we are very glad that guardrails are there. In the same way that guardrails protect us on the road, when we establish them in our lives, they can help to both protect us and direct us. Most likely our biggest mistakes in life could have been avoided if we had guardrails steering us in the right direction. The goal should never be to see how close we can get to a guardrail without crashing but rather to keep us from ever going “too far,” in the wrong direction.

Session 1: Shift (May 12, 2011)

Guardrails are part of our every day experience. Whether we are walking, biking or driving there are guardrails all around us to protect us from those off-limit areas—areas where we could drop off the edge or crash into something. But where are the guardrails in our actual, everyday lives? We have to establish those personal guardrails ourselves so that we can back up and stay on the safe side of a potentially dangerous situation.

Has there ever been a time when you wish you had some guardrails in place—something that would have protected you from a certain situation? Can you share a time that you did have some boundaries and were protected from something because of them?

Session 2: Swerve (May 19, 2011)

We may be able to recognize the need for guardrails in some relationships and habits, but what about relationships with our friends? It seems a bit odd to think we may need to set up boundaries with our friends. But our friends have the power to influence our decisions, our actions and even the quality of our lives. With that much potential to determine the direction of our lives, putting up a few guardrails when it comes to our friendships may be one of the wisest things we can do.

How important to you are the friendships you have right now? Do you feel like the friends you have really make a difference in your life? Do you believe that your choices about your friends really matter?

Session 3: Brake (May 26, 2011)

Everywhere we go we see images, hear songs, read advertisements and receive the message that sex is great. And it’s true. Sex is great! But what makes sex great is that it is a gift from God, given with a purpose. It was created for intimacy with one person and when we establish guardrails early, we set ourselves up for the greatest potential to experience this intimacy in marriage. Without guardrails we set ourselves up to experience some deep pain, both physically and emotionally. But establishing guardrails is a crucial way for us to have the healthiest relationships we possibly can.

Are sexual guardrails important for both young people and adults? What are some difficulties you may come across when you draw sexual boundaries that culture or your friends may not feel the same conviction about? How can you keep those guardrails firm, even if you are the only one you know who has them? Talk about some sexual guardrails you either have already established or that you are going to establish.

Session 4: Steer (June 2, 2011)

Sometimes it can feel like rules and regulations are only there to block us and interrupt our lives. Why would we want to set up rules that keep us from doing what we want? But, the truth is, if we aren’t diligent about creating and keeping guardrails, we set ourselves up for way more pain than any amount of fun is worth. And, establishing guardrails is something we have to make a decision to do. No one else can do it for us.

If someone else tells you what guardrails to have, do you think you will stick to them? Why is it important for you to make a decision to establish guardrails? What do you think is at stake if you don’t set up some guardrails in your life?

Announcements:

Summer discipleship yogurt. This summer we are going to be launching a discipleship group open to anyone in which we'll be talking about some of the core beliefs of Christianity that every Christian should know. We'll introduce the topic for 15 minutes and then have open discussion for 15-30 minutes. Meanwhile we'll have fun and eat some yogurt at Tops-A-Lot on Water St in Santa Cruz. (you pay by the ounce so your student can eat as little or as much as you want them too) More details coming though tentatively Tuesdays from 3:30-4:30 p.m.

Gleanings For the Hungry: we have a couple of spots we can still fill if you know of any students or even adults who would like to go with us. July 3-9 Cost $120.

Mexico: if you hadn't heard we will not be doing our Mexico trip this year. so sign up for gleanings!

Picture Perfect - Making It Personal

Making It Personal

Allow your teen to see how you strive to grow so they can understand how to confront their own limitations and pursue character and faith.

LESS THAN PERFECT

By Sarah Anderson

I am not a perfectionist. One look in my closet, will tell you this is true. My husband isn’t either—except when it comes to cooking. He is a perfectionist with his food. I lucked out on this one. But for me, I am not sure there is something that I do that would categorize me as a perfectionist. At least this is what I thought until I had my son. Once he catapulted into my world, my perfectionist tendencies rose to the surface. It turns out I have some of it in me. And it shows itself in the way I parent.

I want to be perfect. Can you relate? I want to be the best mom—not just the best mom for Asher, but the best mom ever. I want to parent in a way that everyone around watches in wonder. I want the impossible dream—for Asher and for myself. And I want it because somewhere along the way I started to believe that perfection was what Asher needed from me. I started to think that if I only gave it all I had, if I only went above and beyond, if I only exceeded every expectation ever placed on me and every hope, voiced or not, then, I would be a success.

Maybe this story is something like your own. Maybe the day your little bundle of joy was placed in your arms you suddenly had the impression that you had to muster up every ounce of effort you could to be all this baby hoped you could be. And maybe you have spent every day since trying to live up to the expectations which you, and you think your child, have put on yourself. And I have to wonder, since I am still so early on in the journey myself, and you are a bit further along, how is it working for you? Because, in all honesty, it isn’t working out that well for me.

Perfection is hard. Perfection is exhausting. Perfection is a siren song that lures the most reasonable of people into the belief that it is attainable. But, I don’t think I am stepping out on a limb here when I confess, it hasn’t exactly gone as I planned. I am not a perfect parent. In fact, I am far from it—embarrassingly far from it. And I am afraid any near confession of this is an admittance of failure—failure in a role that is “supposed” to come so easily, so naturally, so effortlessly—a role that more times than I like to admit, is simply none of those things—not easy, not natural, and not effortless.

And on the nights when I am hardest on myself, I lay my head on my pillow and think Asher just may be ruined forever. Until I remember . . . five months after my son was born, my mom came to visit. And while visiting, in a conversation I don’t remember starting, and I can’t recall ending, my mom said this to me: “If I had the chance to do it all over again, if I had the chance to parent all over again, I would, and I would do it differently this time.” It was a confession—transparent and raw in its honesty. And in that one line, I can remember feeling a release from the pressure and the burden perfection can put on us as parents.

See, I knew (as our children know of us) that my parents were not perfect. And I also knew that to demand perfection from them, even if it was something I subconsciously did, was not what I really needed or craved from them. Perfection is neither what I required or desired as a kid. What I wanted, what I yearned for, I got in the confession from my mom, after I myself had passed through the one-way only doors of parenthood. What I longed for I got in a succinct and truthful line that told me that my mom knew she hadn’t done it perfectly. But she did what she could. And this rare glimpse into her heart told me all I needed to know. My mom and I, my mom and her daughter, are not all that different. We are human. We are broken. We are fumbling through life the best we know how, and it is in our sameness that we find what we need. Honesty. Transparency. Vulnerability. And as a result the bond between us is stronger than ever before.

And so the moral of the story is maybe not exactly what we thought. The moral is our kids may need less perfection from us and more honesty. They need less of a guise appearing to have it all together and more candor, more sincerity—anything that communicates to them we may have more things in common with one another than not. And this is a beautiful thing to have between parent and child—a shared experience, a shared openness, a shared understanding that we don’t have it all together, as much as we would like to think we do.

I understood, in hearing my mom’s confession, that what kids may need from their parents is not very complicated. It will cost us something—our pride, our image of faultlessness. But here is the thing—I think it is a worthy penance for what we get in return. I am willing to give up the quest for perfection, because the journey towards humility and transparency offers more to my son than excellence ever could. SO from now on, instead of being “a wonder parent,” I think I will work more on being an available parent. A sincere parent. A candid parent. It means I will say I am sorry. It means I will admit my faults. It means I will confess when I get it wrong and request grace when I need it.

Some day, decades from now, when Asher himself becomes a parent, I know there will be moments I will look back on and wish I had done differently. I know there will be regrets. And that’s okay. The point is to confess the regrets when they come up. Admit them. Own them. Allow my imperfection to be seen through them. And hope that my honesty in those moments will build and strengthen the bond between my son and me.

© 2011 Orange. All rights reserved.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.com.

ANNOUNCEMENTS -

PARENT NIGHT @ REVOLUTION ONE80

Next week February 24 - All parents are invited to join us for the whole Revolution ONE80 service from 6:30-8:30 p.m as we conclude our Picture Perfect series.

NO REVOLUTION ONE80 - March 3

The CLC staff will be at a leadership conference this week so we will not have group.

GLEANINGS FOR THE HUNGRY - July 3-8

Sign up by March 15

Cost - $120

Picture Perfect - Series Overview

WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT:

Here is an overview of what we’re talking about. Listed below the summary is a parent cue to help you dialog with your child about the session. The question is intended not just to be asked by you, but to be responded to by BOTH of you. Use this opportunity to find out what God is teaching your child, and allow your child to see what God is teaching you as well.

Picture Perfect:

Series Overview

You’ve seen their shiny, happy faces staring at you from picture frames, magazine ads and commercials. They are the perfect family. Every tooth sparkles. Every face beams with joy. And they seem to have everything you don’t. But the reality is, well they aren’t real. In fact it’s an illusion. There’s no such thing as a picture perfect family. Families are made up of imperfect people—people like you and me. So how do we live and interact with the family God has placed us in? How do we find a way to be a part of it, instead of just surviving and living for the day when we move on? Because no family is perfect. And no person is either.

Session One: Snapshot (February 3)

Does it ever feel like there are families who are more “perfect” than yours? They dress better. Have a nicer house. Never seem to have a disagreement of any kind. But when we see these families, we’re not seeing the full picture; we’re simply seeing a snapshot. If we actually lived in that family and dealt with each person on a daily basis, we would probably realize that the perfect family is, well, a myth. The truth is that no family is perfect. We are all just human, and when we realize that we can live in the messiness of our families and learn to find the good, we begin to understand the purpose God has in placing us in our particular family.

Session One Parent Cue: Have you ever thought a family was “perfect,” only to find out how “normal” they were as you got to know them? Did you ever wish you were part of a different family growing up? Why?

Session Two: Resolution (February 10)

A verbal shot is fired and our gut tells us to fire back. That word, that attitude from someone else hurt us or made us mad, so we want to give some of that back. Been there? How often do we quickly react to something a sibling or parent does or says in a way that raises the level of tension and anger instead of diffusing it? But there is another option! We can choose to stop the madness and think through our words and actions. We can begin to see more clearly that when something provokes us, we have a choice to make before we respond. We can be part of the resolution instead of part of the problem.

Session Two Parent Cue: Take a recent argument or “loud discussion” you had. Write down what prompted the conversation, then write down each of your responses. Now backtrack and each of you identify the decisions you made that prompted your responses. Maybe you reacted to how something was said, or one word set you off. Maybe you responded out of fear of what could happen.

Session Three: Wide-Angle (February 17)

No matter where you go or what you do with your life, your family will always be a part of it. Whether it’s through past memories or current gatherings, your family and how you relate to each other will affect you. While you will be independent and able to make your own decisions someday, your family will always play some sort of role in your life. The seeds you sow now for harmony, understanding and wholeness can go a long way towards the future growth of healthy family relationships.

Session Three Parent Cue: (For parent) What type of seeds did you sow in your relationship with your parents that may affect how you relate to them now? What do you wish you would have done differently? What were you glad you did?

Family XP Week (February 24) - PARENTS INVITED!!!!!!!!!!

Get into the Rhythm this New Year

WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT:

Here is an overview of what we’re talking about in our new series "Rhythm" to open the New Year. Listed below the summary is a “parent cue” to help you dialog with your child about the session. The question is intended not just to be asked by you, but to be responded to by BOTH of you. Use this opportunity to find out what God is teaching your child, and allow your child to see what God is teaching you as well.

Rhythm:

Series Overview

Have you ever noticed how connected everything is? It’s almost as if there was some type of unseen structure to all of life, a rhythm. Many of us are oblivious to it until things are out of sync. We know something is wrong, and we can maybe pinpoint a few things around us that are culprits, but deep down we know there is something more going on. We are out of rhythm—with God, with ourselves or with others.

Session One (01/06/2011)

In the beginning, God created a song, a rhythm. Humanity existed in harmony with God, with ourselves and with each other. But then humankind settled for another song--a lesser one--and the rhythm started falling apart. Yet even then, God didn’t walk away, and because of that, we have a way to restore the rhythm with Him, with ourselves and with others.

Session One Parent Cue: The first week of the Rhythm series is designed to help students understand that in the beginning, God established a rhythm. They will unpack the story of creation and the harmony that existed between Adam and God, Adam and nature, and Adam and Eve. They will entertain the idea that from the start, everything worked together in perfect harmony like a beautiful song. But then Adam and Eve made a choice that destroyed the song and threw the rhythm off. They will also look at God’s response to Adam’s sin, and they'll see that God continues to seek relationship with us even after things have fallen apart. Talk with your teen about how he or she sees the brokenness in the rhythm around them. Feel free to share your observations as well.

Session Two (01/13/2011)

If you’ve been in church for a while, you’ve heard it all and seen it all. You know the stories. You know the songs. You know the words. Many of us even think we know all about God. We think we have Him figured out. We think we know everything about Him, and in our lives, He’s very small. But the reality is that we will never fully grasp how awesome and amazing He is. We can spend a lifetime in awe and wonder, and even an eternity, because He’s that big . . . and that good.

Session Two Parent Cue: This second week, students will be challenged to look at God in new ways. Many times we find that we are so familiar with “churchy” descriptions of God that we forget who He really is. And when we forget who God is, how awesome and surprising He can be, then we are tempted to turn our attention and affection to other things and our lives fall out of tune. In week two students will be challenged to discover a God who is bigger than our attempts to define Him. Discuss with your teen ways that God has surprised you and your family with how big He is.

Session Three (01/20/2010)

You’ve heard the words before--“love your neighbor as yourself”--but most of the time we don’t really hear the second half of that. We don’t love ourselves. Perhaps it’s because it just seems wrong. After all, as followers of Christ, we are supposed to become less as He becomes more. But for some of us, somewhere along the way we’ve confused humility with self-hatred. God wants us to be in rhythm with ourselves because when we aren’t, it throws off the rest of the song.

Session Three Parent Cue: This week students will explore the things that create tension in their own self-perception and learn the ugly truth: Being in rhythm with ourselves and being in rhythm with God go hand in hand. How we view God our Creator affects how we view His creation, ourselves. They will consider the masks they wear and the faults they try to cover up, and they'll receive a challenge to begin to shed those masks and be at peace with who they really are. Talk openly and candidly with your student this week about the things both of you have a hard time accepting when it comes to the faults you see in yourself. How can you better accept yourselves as you are?

Session Four (01/27/2010)

No person can have a life of rhythm unless he or she is at peace with other people. That’s easy to say but hard to live, isn’t it? But following Jesus means being passionate about what He is passionate about--and Jesus is passionate about people. So if we want to be in rhythm, we not only have to be in sync with God and ourselves, we also have to be in sync with others.

Session Four Parent Cue: No person can have a life in rhythm if they are not at peace with the people around them. In the final week of this series students will be challenged to be in rhythm with others, to be passionate about serving those they encounter and to seek forgiveness and reconciliation when needed. How can you work at making this a regular practice in your family?

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Winter Camp Sign ups are done. Remember the full balance is due by Thursday, January 27th.

CARWASH FUNDRAISER: Saturday, January 22. 8-12 a.m. Presell tickets to earn money toward Winter Camp, Gleanings or Mexico. Pick up your tickets Thursday or Sunday at Church!